Put Me Aside

Vacation

2005-05-01T18:26:00.000-07:00

vacation was ok...i still am happy schools starting again

well i had catherine and werne come over on sunday to come to the party. the fire wasnt as good as the ones here at home but thats ok. we hung out in the tree fort and were havin a food fight! it was funny, then catherine slept over! it was fun we stayed up really late.

well monday catherine and i made smoothies. we are such retards we could barely make sumthing as simple as smoothies, but what else is new!

tuesday and wednesday cori stayed over because the rest of her family went to Toronto to see her sister. we watched dirty dancing and godzilla...ya know the original in black and white with the guy in the godzilla suit and the little sets they built for him to knock down...the one from like 1957

thursday i went to the movies with sam and catherine! it was SO fun! we got there like a half and hour early and catherine and i called each other on our cellphones and sam thought we were like high. we saw the inturpter. it was a pretty good movie, though extremely long for such a simple plot. "yes, thats a payphone" "that must be a BITCH to vacum!" LOL, commentary by catherine! god she is funny

well then when we got home catherine and i had a teddy gram war while sam watched, seriosuly it was a scary site! "i got a crusant launcher!" LOL the tar bars!! wow...it was fun, till my mom yelled at us.

well catherine spelt over and the next day we did facials and stuff it was fun!

then friday afternoon i headed to timmy and joanna's house to stay. they got a new puppy named sophie! she is so so cute!!! timmy is hott!!! lol

well the tournment was really long...i woke up at 3 am saturday and go to sleep at like 11pm (thats when i got home) long long day. but i got to stop in lee (my hometown!) and eat at joe's diner which was kewl..i havent been there in forever but it still looks the same! lol

well today we had a lacrosse game. we had NO subs and 5 playes were hurt...alli, kasey and i played homes because alli and i can run (my ankle, her knee)and well kasey is always home. it was fun! it was rainy and muddy and i loved every mintue of it!! i got a face full of mud at one point and there was a whistle for a cover and it was our ball, so the ref goes "ummm...21 u can have the ball seeing ur the one spitting up mud." lol...it was funny...OMG "i got a clover up my nose! " lol good times!

well we won...we blew the other team away. we played really well

well thats it...oh and check out my LJ Icons blog... http://coldserenityljicons.blogspot.com/

.: Catchin Up :.

2005-04-09T17:23:00.000-07:00

Ok i give up...if u wanna know what i did in DC look at catherines blog...we spent the entire time together so ya....lol i dont feel like writing what i did lol...i know...i am so lazy!

well let me fill u all in

Last Saturday:

we had a promotion ceremony at karate...i got my 2nd degree black belt (i had tested to week before...GOD it was so tiring!) and i passed down my brown belt to Bet.

Last Sunday:
I had the AAU States Tournment. I got 3 golds and a silver...gold in empty-hand kata (form), short weapon form, long weapon form, and silver in kumite(fighting, sparing)....Jacob, Catherine and Nick all placed too! They did really well. I was really rpoud of Nick (my cousin) because he did WICKED well...he did so well in fighting, and he is a passive kid! lol
my brother couldnt go cuz he was sick and stuff...

Monday:
School....lacrosse practice in the nichlos field parking lot

Tuesday:
more school

Wednesday:
school, lacrosse

Thursday:
School, watch the boys varsity lacrosse practice...hung out with Halah around town.

Friday:
school, piano, lacrosse, dance..

Today:
Karate....really boring...but Bet gave me a thank u card for giving her my belt....it was so sweet!
lacrosse game...well...a scrimage against U-13,,,our team did considerably well...seeing as the entire team (besides Martha, Maddie, and I) have never played before...so ya...
FINALLY got a harrow shaft for my lacrosse stick!!!!

well justins here...gonna hang with him! bbml

-----> Sammy

.: Washington D.C :.

2005-04-05T15:58:00.000-07:00

i am real busy right now and will right bout washington over the weekend!

.: Todays Happenings :.

2005-03-17T19:58:00.000-08:00

Well today was an interesting day.

We walked up to the High School to watch this documentary called "In the Shadow of the Blade". It was about the Vietnam War, which we are working on right now for when we go to D.C.

It was pretty cool but it was 2 hours long! LOL Emily looked like she was in pain and she says ," Theres long...and then theres TOO LONG!" LOL! She was right too! We started thinkin about ways to escape! lol...Half way through it i got super bored so i went to annoy Werne and he was asleep!!! HAHAHAHA So i proceded to poke him for the rest of the thing and he got really annoyed!

I only had E block today which is Library. And we had a kewl sub so it wasnt too bad either! We actually got to talk in the Library!!!!! lol its like a historical day!

Well my cellphone came in today! Fun!

hmmm...what else???.....Oh Today Josephine and I helped Mrs. Cicciu correct papers during Skills! It was actually really fun! We gonna do it again tomorrow!! LOL we are so weird...

Well thats all...i'll write again later...

x Sammy x

Random Quizzes

2005-03-16T18:11:00.000-08:00

.: Busy :.

2005-02-23T20:40:00.000-08:00

Ok...another hiatus....I haven't blogged in a while...and I probably wont...or i might just blog quick little entries...I have the talent show coming up...3 karate test...5 (or maybe 6) tournments coming up....Feb vacation i will be away, going up north with Catie...We're going to stay in a slopeside condo at Jay Peak in Vermont...

So i prob wont blog for awhile...

xox Sammy xox

.: NO BRACES :.

2005-02-16T17:19:00.000-08:00

Ok well i skipped school today 0.0

tehehehhe i got my braces off! I love it! My teeth are prettyful! lol...it was really weird when they were taking them off because when they had to grind of the glue it smelt like burning rubber! Not good! I mean its kind of scary when the smell of burning rubber is coming from your mouth and it sounds like they are workin on a car not ur teeth!!!!! lol

But I got these invisiline things...joy! But i only get them for 6 weeks then i get my real retainers...

Well then i went shopping and I got a bunch of new shirts and some new sweatshirts and I got a french manicure!

I had a pretty good time...my mom was actually pretty civil....

Well school tomorrow...tons of hw...

xOx Sammy xOx

.: Radio Plays, Valentine's Day, and Blackouts :.

2005-02-14T16:16:00.000-08:00

Last night we had our LAST radio play meeting! I am SOOO glad its over but I am sad that Cori, Kimmie, Catie and I wont see eachother as much...I think we should get together on night, jsut the four of us, and celebrate....or maybe after we find out what grade we got....

Well it was funny because when we got there i was super hyper...I brought Zach a bunch of valentines! From me, kris, rachel, lauren, emily, and hannah....I was sad because Kris's valentine was better then mine ~pouts~ tear...

Well we didn't get much work done really...lol, but we had fun! Cori was chasing me around and I was screaming...i am such a babi...lol...but it was a fun meeting

Today was Valentine's Day! It was a better day then I thought it would be...Well...the beginning of the day was atleast...then during gym...kris fainted...

It was so scary she had just go down from the giant pyrimid thing we where doing and i KNOWN she had been nervous and stuff and then she came down and I caught her..well...more like broke her fall, and we were lying on the ground and I was laughin and she wasn't...and i was worried, so i stood her up and asked her if she was ok and she didn't answer, she was just staring wide eyed staright past me and so i pulled her out of the crowd and she was barely holding her own weight and i knew what was happening...she wasn't breathing. I was immediatly scared and i grabbed her arms to stablize her still calling her name but she wouldn't answer...she couldnt hear me...She then fell against me and was limp and i slowly sat down with one hand behind her head to hold her up...her eyes were closed and she had been crying...

She had passed out...

I yelled for someone to get the nurse...

I gave her cheek a tap and called to her but she wouldn't wake up....I grabbed her hand and told he to squeeze it, she didn't....then i noticed....she wasn't breathing....I got so so scared...I knew it was he lung problem...I laid her down with her head resting on my leg so that her lungs and diafram weren't constricted and then her eyes snapped open and she took in a deep ragged breath....She looked so scared, she was still crying, she was shaking...but she was breathing...

It was just then that I realized I had been crying too....

She gently closed her eyes and I tried to get her to stay awake...her eyes were fluttering open and shut and I grabbed her hand and told her to squeeze it...she did...and thats when i suddenly knew it would be ok...

I just kept telling her to breath in and out...her eyes were still closed...

Then the nurse was by my side talking to her...I didn't know how long she had been there...I also then realized that everyone was standing in a circle around us...I hadn't payed any attention to anything else.

The nurse and I walked Kris to the nurses office...

After gym i brought Kris her stuff...she still seemed really shaken by the whole event...as was I but i hid it because I didn't want her feeling more scared...

I am still shaken by the whole event...

Its just...she was having SUCH a horrible day...Andrew wasn't at school, she was worried about him, she was worried about the play, some ppl today were being bitchy at her, and all this stress in school and at home and it all just added up and then...

I'm just glad she's ok

xOx Sammy xOx

.: Past Couple of Days :.

2005-02-12T13:10:00.000-08:00

Well I haven't written in a while...srry

Well on Friday we had our dress rehearsal...it was horrible! I am SO embarresed to be in this play! I wanna quit!

Problem was that we have been singing with the tape this entire time and for the play we have a piano player...now dress rehearsal was the first time we had sung with her playing the piano so that was one reason it sucked...but the biggest reason, the piano player was like rythmitically challenged! I mean she could read the music and play it...but she had no sense of tempo at ALL! It was horrible... and she played very choppy and if she messed up she went back and did it again when she should have just kept going...and she couldn't keep up to pace with us or she would go to fast! She wasn't paying attention to us singing at all! SHE is suppose to follow OUR lead, not the other way around! Apparently she is Mrs. and Mr Jahns daughter and thats why we have her playing...grrrr

Well also alot of people didn't know their lines...~cough~ Matt and Eric ~cough cough~ And people were missing cues and the 7th graders WOULDN'T shut up back stage so people couldn't hear their cue lines. Stage crew was back stage making out with their girlfriends so cast, and Props and costumes crew had to put the stuff in place! Buit its always like that. Stage crew NEVER does anything besides get in the way!

Sound crew was having some trouble but it wasn't their fault, Mr. Jahns is an asshole and gave them like NO instruction and instead just stood around yelling at cast! I HATE HIM!!!! So like leads backstage had to cover their mics with the gamblers' hats so that they didn't pick up sound..

It REALLY bugged me when 8th graders weren't being quiet back stage! I mean 7th graders were being the loudest but some 8th graders wouldn't shut up either. I was too loud a couple times but I spent almost the entire time going around telling others to be a little quieter. Also people were in the wings watching the play... WTF they have SEEN it!!! Like 50 times! They were getting in the way for people that had entrances! grrrrr

The musical last year was ok...it was bad but it was that good. Everyone afterwards was like ," it was ok...i mean not spectactular or anything..." Last years musical was like thr first chorus concert we had this year...

But this time the musical is an utter disaster!!!! Everyone, INCLUDING ME, has got to get it together! The play is next friday!

Well this morning we had karate and of course they told me I am testing in March....

Ok let me give you an idea of why i am pissed....In March and April i have 5 tournments...2 AAU. Hanshi's, and the Tak Wan Doe School House Tournment....I am learning ALL new kata and material for the tounrments...ALL!!!! my brain is fried! I am having so much trouble....and then I have a black belt test...JOY!! what fun

I don't think i am ready to test...i have been a black belt for only a year and they wanna test me but i really dont think i am ready to go for 2nd degree....Shihan (my teacher) is ALWAYS pushing me into this stuff, AAU, Testing, Teaching, Doing clinics....and now because Sam left Shihan is trying to turn me into him! i will NEVER be as good as Sam...but he doesn't understand...i misses his little golden boy...

Well the Judo people came today. It was fun...I have done some Judo before so I didn't feel as nervous...

Well i need to go clean my room, do homework, make valentine's...

xOx Sammy xOx

.: Lost and Confused :.

2005-02-09T21:00:00.000-08:00

I haven't blogged in a while and I probably wont for a while. I am really busy with Radio Plays and the real play. And karate...Also i have just been totally out of it lately. I have been very confused and having a really bad week. Everything is falling apart. I just need some thinking time... i will TRY to blog soon! I really will

-Sammy

.: Sunday and Monday Summary :.

2005-02-07T20:49:00.000-08:00

Sunday i had lacrosse in the morning and it was funny because Martha and i were singing and jumping around like morons....that was wonderful! We did long range passes...wow...that was interesting i must say. I got hit in the head with a lacrosse ball atleast 3 times! Thats because balls were flying all which ways from the sides and behind and it was REALLY hard to dodge them all.... lol

Afterwards Catherine and Justin came over and we were hanging in my brothers room playing CS and Halo! LOL we tried to get the microphone to work, but we failed!

Catherine and I were playing Bop-It on my brothers bed and he was like "GET OFF!" and i laughed and stayed there and he tried to pull me off by my feet, it was funny! i was like "CATHERINE SAVE ME!"

Well we watched the Superbowl! GO PATS! they won! But still, even though we won, we didn't play our best...

Well Today we had drama afterschool! I would write more but i really don't feel good....

I'll write later...

xOx Sammy xOx

.: Karate, Radio Plays :.

2005-02-05T21:36:00.000-08:00

Well today was productive.....

Karate was smae old same old, cept some Ta Kwan Doe ppl came for sparing (fighting), which was kewl. They do ALOT of spinning back kicks which is easy to defend against...you just come in on them while they are turning and you sweep them! Works everytime!

Well like usually I went home with new bruises....fun....my muscles are all in knots and they are REALLY bothering me! grrrrr....then when i got home i went to sleep, like always....so nothing new to report from this morning...same old same old.

Around 4 ish i headed to Cori's to pick her and Kimmie up to go to Catie's for our Radio Play meeting....OMG Friday nights meeting we go like NOTHING done! we just ran around like retards screaming and stuff...I was so hyper, her family is gonna think i'm on drugs or sumthing!

The whole time Mr. Calo is like "I WANNA BE IN IT! come on you guys would get an A if u had me in it"....it was kind of annoying but everyone thought it was funny...i laughed along...lets not get into what i think him really...long long story...i mean i used to think they were kewl but....ok i'm shutting up now...

Anyways, today at our meeting we actually finished recording!!! It's amazing! It was SO FUNNY! Catie was doing this hilarious scream and it sounded like she was insane, and I said "chuck" not "check" and our thud didn't sound right...but we did finish it! OMG it was so funny though we couldn't get the recorder thingy to work and Mrs. Calo, Catie, Kimmie, Cori and I are standing there trying to figure out how to open it and we tried for like 5 mins before we handed it to Zach and had him open it...He's so smart! lol...that or we are all extraordinaryly retarded....i think both...

Well i am SICK of hearing that stupid radio play i think its crap but Zach said it was good...he is probably just being nice lol...

Then after we finished recording Catie like went into the bathroom with the recorder and said she had to fix the end because it didn't full run over our mess up versions we taped over....it was funny though because Zach was like " I bet you 5 bucks she accidently tapes over the entire play!" and Cori, Kimmie and I got all nervous! Luckly Catie isnt THAT stupid! lol

Well I am glad we got it finished...we have one meeting left to fix everything and make sure its perfect but i bet you we barely work....I am kind of sad though that the thing is coming to an end...it was really fun and i got to hang out with Catie more...i mean I got to hang with Cori and Kimmie more too but i really was glad i got to hang out with Catie more...since Kris and I became friends again i have felt like her and I have grown apart and I am glad that we have become really close again...I remeber when Kris and I weren't friends Catie was there for me 24/7 if i need someone to talk to...she was the only one i could talk to...i mean now i have Kris back and I can talk to her...but still...there are things I don't talk to Kris about because i dont wanna bug her with my problems...same with Caite...

Actually things have been really weird lately...like its all good one mintue, then the next i am feeling totally awful! But I mean i have three ppl i can like talk to now...Zach, Catie and Kris....so its a little easier...idk...things just seem fucked up at one point...then totally fine the next...its really really strange.

Ok well i am thinking of making another private blog that i will only let certain ppl have acsess to and I am gonna write my much more private and personal thoughts there...i really think it will help me out...we'll see what happens...

xOx Sammy xOx

.: Test thing :.

2005-02-04T21:35:00.000-08:00

Ok well today was...arg i dont wanna talk about it...I just came back from radio plays though...that was fun...i was smiling and stuff and it was pretty ok...anyways, i will probably write tomorrow...i am tired and want to go to sleep....but heres a little test thingy i took

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Low
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	High
Antisocial:	Low
Borderline:	Moderate
Histrionic:	High
Narcissistic:	Moderate
Avoidant:	Low
Dependent:	High
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Moderate
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

.: Feeling Lost :.

2005-02-03T19:09:00.000-08:00

I can't believe myself!

I can't believe i let my heart go...to someone like....him! Am I THAT STUPID!?!?!?! I dont understand how this could happen..i barely know him! what is wrong with me!?!?! I dont understand it! I want me heart back! I want it back NOW!

I am so lost...idk how this could have happened...if you knew what i was really talking about you would think i was insane...i mean...it doesnt make sense! I dont know him well! But its like...ARGGG...and truthfully....haven't met him either....

I amaze myself times...really...i do...because no matter how fucked up my life gets i some how manage to make things worse!

i love him but i hate him! Hate him with a passion because i want to forget him and i want him to leave me alone but i know i can't live that way...i haven't talked to him in forever and it was horrible...

and now that i have found someone else that i love i wish i had my heart back! i mean i love this person but i think at the moment its like love of a friend...but i wish it could become more...

but i kind of need back the piece of me i lost when i lost him....

it's truly amazing the situations i get myself into...

I hate everything about you,
why do I love you?

-Three Days Grace

xOx Sammy xOx

.: Real Life :.

2005-02-01T19:43:00.000-08:00

Well i haven't posted in a while...things have been happening...things i dont wanna put in my blog....but today was surprisingly good...

I had English first thing, grrrr...i dont really like English but it was sorta fun today, we had a couple laughs, and i actually handed my project in on time! YEAH! I rock! lol jk

Well then i had science...we did a lab! I picked to work with Werne but then Mrs. Smith made me work with Matt Renoylds, but its wasnt to bad, Matt was really nice and it was actually fun! I got to work next to Wernes so it was all good, except when i almost burned down the classroom...lol! I am so smart sumtimes i amaze myself!

Well during french we just did flashcards! I was all excited because she had pink markers! tehehehe, i am so retarded i was like " HAZZAH PINK!"...

Well lunch was the same, very entertaining!

Well lets skip to drama! i hung out in the cafe after i got some ice cream and everyones like "aren't u suppose to be in drama?" and seeing i like NEVER do anything i was like "i'll go in a bit..."

LOL i always just hang around school! I walk around and talk to other ppl! its fun!

Well I hung with Sam for a while and when i got back to drama apparently they had been looking for me and they askeds " WHERE WERE YOU!?!?!?" and I just gave a calm shrug and said ," got lost.."

OMG Kris and I were so hyper! They were doing the mission scene and Kris and I were at the front the stage when Mrs. Adams was trying to get all the gamblers into their seats, and Kris and I were acting like the biggest retards on earth! We could NOT stop laughing and me were mooing and dancing around everywhere and singing! We were crying we were laughing so hard! Finally we got to do the scene and we had a bunch of good laughs ,

Eric P: " Brother Arvid..."
Sam K: " SISTER!"

Then we went to the band room to practice the song "Sit Down You're Rocking the Boat"...it was great! We couldn't sing it! LOL! its not that we're horrible singers, its that we couldn't figure out the timing and rythm! lol! and i attacked Andrew after he hit me really hard! I was liking chasing him and Sam had to hold me back! Then we threw Skittles around the Band closet! LOL! we are so weird!

Well the play is coming up! COME SEE IT!! I was afraid it was gonna come out HORRIBLE! because i didn't think we would have enough time but it looks like it might actually be ok, we might have enough time! So its Feb 18 and 19 and i believe it starts at 7 but doors open at 6:30....i'll check

Well i learned something about a friend today....it really really caught me by surprise...i just stopped crying a little while ago...i couldn't believe it...at first when they told me, i thought maybe they were kidding....they weren't.....it scared me...but i am so glad they told me....

all i can say is i will never really beable to look at some ceratin ppl the same way, i will never be the same really....but i think it helped me see sumthing...idk....i need more time to think....

well i got hw....i'll try to write tomorrow but i have karate!

xOx Sammy xOx

.: Snow Day, Karate, Delay, Drama :.

2005-01-27T20:07:00.000-08:00

Well Wednesday we had a snow day! I woke up..took a shower, and just as I was about to run out the door for the bus my brother told me we had a snow day! I was so confused because I didn't even know it had snowed! I didn't even think about checking channel 12. So I was already wide awake and could not for the life of me, get back to sleep. So I watched the South Park Movie with my brother....now as much as I believe that South Park is just a mindless and stupid brain drain worthless piece of television...I must say....it was quite funny.....

Well after that I tried to get together with Catie but she had to baby sit....and I couldn't get together with Julie either! ~tear~ so sad...so I just stayed home and cleaned the house...and shoveled the driveway!

I had to go to the orthodontist at about 3 ish...I am getting my braces of Feb 16!!!!!

Before karate I took an advil because my teeth hurt so bad...Well my dad made us leave early for karate and when we got there we played a little lacrosse! It was fun because I only get to play during practice on Sundays and it sucks because the rest the week I am cramped up inside and I can only practice cradling and stuff... I can't do any doges or anything...

So then at about 7 no one else was there and I asked dad where everyone was and he said ," Karate's canceled..." and I was like ," Then why the hell are we here?!??!??!?!?"...

grrrrrrrr...anyways I was practicing with my sai....

This is a picture of Sai...

And so when you hit them together really REALLY hard its....god I dont know how to explain it....this vibration goes through every bone in your body, shaking your entire being and it makes me wanna throw up...its a sickening feeling....and theres an ear piercing shrill....its horrible...imagine nails down a chalk board...now times that by 10 and u have got the sound of Sai on Sai when your close to them....its fine if you aren't holding them really....

So i hit my Sai together really hard and that...that feeling went through me shaking my hands violently....my dad screamed at me for dropping them and gave me a little push on the shoulder and I was already off balance so i started to fall back...

Now being a black belt I have learned the CORRECT way to fall...So instinct kicked in and I put my hands out infront of me and arched my back as I fell, preparing to do a back roll and get right to my feet.

I guess...well...maybe it might have clicked somewhere in the back of my mind that I had dropped my sai...and they could be anywhere...but maybe not...

My back hit the ground and I knew right then I had made a mistake, I thought immediately that maybe I had hit my spine wrong but I quickly accused that thought...I knew what I did...

I had fallen on my sai...it killed...I bit my lip as to not scream out (because I have been brought up to never show pain..), i bit my lip hard enough to draw blood. It hurt so bad, you could not even begin to imagine.

So I tried to turn my body and head off of my sai...bad idea on my part...

I ran head first into the stage and my shoulder hit it too. I lay there....and I didn't dare move....I knew i might have really hurt my spine...I quickly took inventory of the injuries...

It felt like someone had ironed my bare back then stabed it with 10 dull butcher knifes... my head throbbed and i could feel it pulsing....my shoulder was screaming in pain...it was the same shoulder I had hurt bad last week...

My brother ran over to me to see if I was ok and my dad was screaming at me....idk y...i guess probably for dropping my sai....

I just got up after that and kept going...when I got home I took off my shirt and on my back was a GIANT red mark that was starting to turn black and blue...I took like 4 or 5 advil or sumthing because it hurt SO BAD! I can't remeber exactly...then after about 45 mins I started going all shaky and i felt sick and...idk i felt so horrible...and I suddenly realized...ur not suppose to take that much advil...idk i just....well...idk i can't remeber much except being really really super scared!

this morning I woke up feeling like shit! It was like a hangover...not that i know what a hangover IISSSS! lol well we had a two hour delay so I got to sleep in a little bit longer which was nice!

well later into the day i started feeling a little better...the day was ok i guess...wasn't totally horrible....

Drama was actually fun! Even though we never went over my part Eric was being really funny and Lauren Emily and I couldn't stop laughing! LOL!

Lauren: wow....james has big feet!
Emily and Me: WHAT???
Me: OH BAD IMAGE BAD IMAGE
Lauren: But LOOK at them...they're huge!
Me: La la la la...not listening!!

lol....We had fun! And I got Eric to stop putting his hands in his pockets! Hazzah! lol...OMG Eric is such a god singer! I mean he has trouble on I'll know...but I would too it switches from low to really high to quick..and Eric has trouble on the really low notes. He is an amazing singer for a guy!

Well thats it really...tomorrow there is a Dance so I probably wont be able to write again till Saturday afternoon...

xOx Sammy xOx

.: Radio Plays, Sucky weekend, All that fun stuff :.

2005-01-24T16:00:00.000-08:00

Ok well i dont want to even BEGIN to describe the beginning of my weekend...and I don't wanna think about it...

Ok well on Sunday night we had our Radio Play meeting at Caties! OMG we had so much fun! We were so hyper! And once again we ordered out for pizza! i mean what else!?!?!? So we fixed up the script...after reading through it we found a bunch of really retarded mistakes!

Well the football game was going on during the meeting and whenever Zach, Mr.Calo, and Mrs.Calo started screaming and cheering, Kimmie, Catie and I would go running into the room and be like ," WHAT HAPPENED?!?!" Lol and Cori would yell at us because she wanted to work...she doesnt really appreciate football as much.

Well then Kimmie left early and we watched the rest of the football game! so that was kewl...

lets not talk about what happened when i got home....

Well today at school it was the beginning of the last term! God the year is almost over. Scary huh?!??!?! Hopefully it will be over quick! I want out of that school! Mrs. Ball is a honest to god nautsie! I mean for those who have met her u know what i'm talking about! The b*tch almost gave Ross a detention for pulling a chair from one table to another!!?!?! i mean WTF?? the lady needs loads of medication and for someone to follow her with a tranqlizer gun! In case she goes phyco on some innocent kid! I personally think she needs a public stoneing but I am willing to be civil about it and just put her in a mental hospital!She really had her panties in knot today...god...

well anyways we once again broke an all time record in gym..on the island hopping one we got the entire class (which is like 30 kids) plus 4 or so teachers onto them! Last week we got 16 kids on the floating raft thing but today another class beat us with 17! grrrrrrr....

well I would right more but the other stuff thats been going on is not something i want to put here...so I will try to write tomorrow....

xOx Sammy xOx

Not the best of all days....

2005-01-20T21:09:00.000-08:00

Well today was not the best...hell who am I kidding?!?! IT WAS HORRIBLE!

It all started with the fact that I have...last night....on my mind...but I am not getting into details about that! I don't wanna talk about it, think about it, remeber it! I just wanna forget...

So my mom, god only knows why, took pitty on me and let me sleep in because of last night, but I just told everyone at school it was because I had an appointment for my eye.

Why an appointment for my eye? Oh well because yesterday I got it scratched during gym and I couldn't open it all night. its still sore but my parents refuse to bring me to a doctor. it is always sore and the warm or cold air bothers it greatly.

So I slept in...which didn't help because I didn't get to bed intill about 3.....so I was still half asleep in school...I know I bombed all my test!

So i could barely muster up a smile at all but of course Kris made me smile and lunch! La Tia too! I can always count on them to make me feel better....

But i like barely saw Werne today! I was so upset! I didn't talk to him much yesterday either and i know its stupid but it got me really worried! Werne is my BEST FRIEND! If I lost him I would die! I can't live without him! Alex is always making my smile and laugh! He is truly like a big brother! He is one of the people who can tell when something is bothering me! He is like the only person who can see through my mask perfectly! I will try not to worry though.

Also on a quick topic Bubblegum hasn't talk to me at all lately and I feel I am losing him too! And I saw Sherbert walk by my bus the other day in the HOTTEST outfit! God he is hott!

So then at drama...it was the worest!

OK i NEVER complain about how my outfit looks! I KNOW that I have to live with what they give me but this time I truly think Mrs.Jackson needs a public stoning to get so sense knocked into her!

My outfit is so fucking HOT! I feel like I am going to faint on stage! I have a turtle neck with a wool thick blazer ontop, and this thick thick THICK wool cape thing ontop of that, that can only be described as my own protable igloo! Or my own portable house! I CAN NOT MOVE IN IT! My upper body is constricted so bad and it hurts my lungs! NOW despite this i did not cry, i did not go to Mrs. Jackson and complain...i just sat there the WHOLE TIME! People would ask me if I was alright and I said yes...even though I wasn't! Then i finally took it off and then Mrs. Jackson told me to put it back on! she said THAT I NEED TO GET USED TO IT! I can't believe her! I was dying I was so hot in it! I mean I was sitting next to a wide open window and I was still dizzy, light headed, my stomach hurt, I had a head ache, and I wanted to throw up! And she expects me to wear this god foresaken portable Alaska suit on stage under burning lights! THE WHOLE THING IS BLACK!!!!!!!!! And it itches like no tomorrow! God i think I have a rash on my neck from the Igloo cape!!!

Oh and to top it off! I spent two hours in this variation of a straight-jacket and then we were JUST about to do my scene and we stopped! WTF! I spend the WHOLE TIME in it and then I do NOTHING!!! ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG! My part is "so f-ed up " as Eric put it! And I am starting to think he is right! I do nothing during drama and I dont see why i put up witht this....

No i hope i dont sound like a total brat! I mean I have ALWAYS had little sucky parts! But I always make the best of it! I mean I always get complimented on how well i did even if it WAS a small part...thats because i LOVE acting and I spend every night doing little practices and other things to help my acting! I try so hard and I never complain to them! When I got my minor part in the play it was the WOREST! Chorus...oh but not JUST chorus...i was STAGE FURNITURE! I was a guard! I never moved or said anything! But I put everything I had into that part and Mrs. G always said she was proud of me. That was what kept me going! Some people go up on stage because they love the attention and being the center of what people are watching! I go up there because I love losing myself in another character! I love being someone else. I love being on stage and imagining that the simple set around me was real! That i AM my character! Before the play I think up a whole history of my character! Their likes, dislikes, memories, family, past, dreams, wishes! EVERYTHING! I look at the stage then close my eyes and try to imagine what it would be like in real life! THEN when I walk on that stage i SEE that real world! I don't notice the audience, the curtains, I am no longer in the middle school gym on a stage! I am my character, in that place, time...I am there for real. I love losing myself like that! I love that feeling of not being me anymore! I love forgeting my life and having a different one! It almost helps me understand who i am better!

The thing I love most of all....when the director or a fellow cast memeber turns to me and says "good job"....I can't help but smile the biggest smile!

My parents never are proud of me no matter how hard I try...they never care. Its like everything I do is never enough! I cant do anything right! So when someone says they are proud of me I feel like my world is complete. I live to please you could say. I need to know that people are proud of me, think I did a good job, accept me. I'm like a fucking dog. I just want someone to pet my head and say ," good girl sammy! good girl!"

So when i get up on that stage for applauds its the happiest moment of my life! those people clapping! It makes me feel like for once I did something right! That i didn't screw up!

I will always remeber one moment....i know it seems stupid but it was the BEST moment of my life....the bows for last play.

I was Tabitha Ross...the dumb blond side kick of Alexis Scott, a detective! I loved the part! it was so funny! She was so dumb and I lost myself in the character so easily!

At bows, in every play i was in...when I went up to bow...i was so happy...they were clapping! no boo's or anything! I guess i never noticed how they clapping didn't change though when I went up...it was the same....motone clapping...but i never noticed before...

When i went of for bows in the last play...people stood up...HELL everyone stood up! The cheered! I was near tears! My friends were down in the front row smiling and waving at me! I felt a tear trickle down my cheek and I had the BIGGEST smile on my face! They were proud of me.....

I can't explain it...the feeling inside was amazing! I felt like I HAD done sumthing right....people thought that i was good at sumthing? I was noticed for something good for once in my life! I will never forget that moment.

I dont want to seem stuck up...seeing thats my favorite memory...i mean I grew up in a family that didn't care what i did...it never made a difference. I live of knowing that someone is proud of me! And that was like this moment where everyone in that ONE ROOM was like proud of me! I know that sounds tuck up and stupid but for me thats how it was....

So now I am totally off topic!!! lol well anways thats all I have to say...I am gonna go to bed now...

If I needed someone to control me
If I needed someone to push me around
I would change my direction
And save myself before I drown...

xOx Sammy xOx

The Past, Present, and Future

2005-01-18T20:59:00.000-08:00

Today was a normal day really. Nothing special to report, OH except for Drama. Lost to tell there.

Well once again i had almost nothing to do so I wrote the lyrics to "Home" by Three Days Grace on all my binders! I love that song! Its like my song!

So then i decided to hang with stage crew again! they are so much more fun then the cast! I mean seriously! Stage crew doesnt get enough credit!

I LOVE OUR STAGE CREW!

LOL! There! Well anways i helped them finish painting the benchs! then we were just sitting around talking and I forget what Jacob did but I got mad at him and I went to kick him and he grabbed my foot so I jumped anf flipped my body to the other side so I was facing the other direction and I broke his grip on my foot, LOL! He didn't know I did karate i guess because he was like "HOLY!" Then Brad was being annoying so i was ignoring him and he started getting mad like royally PISSED OFF and he kept trying to hit me and stuff and I know he was playing but for anyone who knows about my past ( Julie...) I got nervous and screamed really loud ," DONT TOUCH ME!" and he just got more mad and wouldn't stop....it just...it was bad...Its not that I don't think i could take brad on anyday...i mean i KNOW i could but its just...past stuff. I get REALLY uncomfortable around people who are really really mad, if they get to close i tend to shake or flinch...its a habit. Julie understands why....

But anyways after that Jacob was like, "Brad you're an ass! get over yourself!" And he then shut up...which was good! SO then we were hanging out and Jacob was like "lets play mercy!" and I was still like....so I said no and he was like, " OH COME ON! you'll kick my ass so whats to worry about?!" and I just laughed and said ," ya but taking that into account theres really no point of me playing is there?!?!?!" and so then i kept walking awaya and he kept asking me and I was like," You just want an excuse to touch me!" and Teresa and Rachel laughed but i dont think he heard cuz he was like ," ya sure w/e!" and then he kept asking and I walke away and when I looked behind me he was there and I sighed and turned to Rachel and went ," Look he is following me like a puppy!" LOL it was funny

THEN brad started trying to put stuff down my shirt and throwing stuff at! MY GOD he just wouldn't go away grrrrrrrr!

So anyways then me and Kris today...we started talking about the future! it was funny I was like, " OMG i am SOOO planning ur wedding! And I wanna be a braids maid!" and Kris goes ," no think higher..." and i put this little thinking look on then yelled ," THE PRIEST?!?!?!?" and Kris goes, "NO! lower..." so i asked ," The groom?" and she burst out laughing and then was like ," NO the maid of honor!" and I just smiled and said ," I think being the priest would be more fun!" but on the inside I wanted to cry.

I screwed up me and Kris's friendship really badly and i thought we would never be friends again..Every night i cried and felt like I wanted die every mintue i thought about how badly I fucked it all up! I hated myself more every time I went to sleep and every breath I took seemed wasted on someone like me. I felt so horrible...I even begged Kris to forgive me...and she didn't...but she had EVERY RIGHT not to! I was so horrible! I can't believe the things i said! I should have known they would hurt her. On some level i probably did know they would hurt her, but i didn't care.... I made her hate me, I hurt her...and for that I wanted to her myself. I started eating less, feeling to sick to eat. Sick from myself, sick from knowing what I did.

You probably want to know what i did...well i think its time i let go....

Many things I did actually...the first....I let a boy get in the way of our friendship...Kris said she thought the guy I like was kind of hott...and I had a FIT! I called her mean and stupid and a bad friend which NONE of that is true! I then yelled more and she said she had like him longer then me...then I brought up the worset......him....

He had sat at my table during 6th grade camp and I thought he was cute...and nice...and funny...but its not like i was INLOVE with him..hell no...he was just cool....I liked hima bit..but not like a total crush...then i found out she loved him...so i backed off...

I told Kris this...I told her i always gave her what she wanted! I told her I felt used, and stepped on....i went on and on and i WISH someone had strangled me by that point!

So needless to say we weren't friends after that....

It was the worest....i thought that some of the drama with bubblegum (code name tehehehe) was bad...this was worse! I felt like i lost a part of me. I had lost my BEST FRIEND! of course it hurt. I am starting to cry just talking about it....

Kris then gave me another chance. I couldn't believe it! SHE FORGAVE ME! after what i said! How could she?!?!? It didn't matter! I had another chance and I wasn't going to blow it.

Since then we haven't faught. I have been trying hard and it seems to be working off. Were friends...even though people dont like us being friends.

So when Kris said that for her future wedding i was gonna be the Maid of Honor, it was like a sign that the stress and hard work was paying off. I so wanted to cry. I couldn't believe she saw me as that great a friend. I mean I knew we were friends again but i didn't think we were the best best best friends....I mean we were friends...I didn't think i had earned the right of best friend yet....idk if i have...but what she said. It made me feel good.

So anyways we talked about how she wants a summer wedding out doors and everything and we talked about our futures and this is what I want....

1. Go to Yale or MIT
2. Become a journalist or mechinical engineer for BAE systems, or Actress
3. Marry Bubblegum (code name! tehehhe) or someone I love...but preferably Bubblegum!
4. have 3 kids. two girls (peferably twins!) and one boy.
5. Girls names Athena Rose (Athena is my cuz name and Rose is Kris fav flower!) and Emma Marie.
6. I don't know about the boys name yet....
7. Live in NH somewhere
8. Have an outdoor wedding in early Fall or late Summer.
9. Keep Kris as a friend forever
10. Kris be my Maid of Honor

So theres more probably but I g2g soon so not enough time to write it all....

So today was pretty good.....lets see what tomorrow brings...

Don't waste your touch, you won't feel anything
Or were you sent to save me?

xOx Sammy xOx

2005-01-16T23:13:00.000-08:00

OMG! Next summer my parents said we are gonna go to Europe! I am so happy! I hope we got to Rome! I have always wanted to go to Rome! Even though i don't speak Italian, it would still be awsome! I mean Rome is known for its vast amounts of art and its like a giant museum about the Renaissance! I love the artwork from that time period and Italy is full of it! I also would love to go to Venice! I am so excited!

We we'll probably go to France, my brother and I both are learning french and of course what would a trip to Europe be without visiting Paris. The city of love, lights, art, bagettes...and shopping!

Then we might go to England. Hello Big Ben!!! tehehhee....OH and I wanna see the catacombs! So kewl!

So I can't wait...I know its 2 years away but still...

So today was kewl! We are already a team of all newbies except Martha and I and during lacrosse we got a bunch of new girls, so thats good but we still need more girls so if ur interested then come Sundays at 9:20 at the HBMS gym, dress to play and if u have a stick bring it, and a mouth guard. Practice ends at 10:40, so please have a ride ready!

So anyways I was helping a newbie and they sent the ball flying so I ran after it and OF COURSE it rolls to the feet of none other then Cam! LOL! He was sitting with his friends talking on the stage. He scooped up the ball and drived it at me and I caught it with ease and he just flashed me a smile and said "Hey Majcher! What are you doing dropping balls all the way over her?" and i just gave him a glare and stated ," trying to teach a newbie!" He and his friends all laughed with him and he grinned and said ," Ok, you're forgiven!"

LOL, Cam is so funny and cool! Oh and during shooting Cam was on the side of it to catch the stray balls and I shot the ball into the goal really hard and he jumped back and was like "WHOA!" lol!

Well then afterwards at the Radio Play meeting...OMG it was so fun! SO much to tell. Ok we started of working but then we ALL started spinning around in our chairs really bored then we had pizza and THEn while Kimmie was in the bathroom Catie and I snuck down stairs! Kimmie's basement is SO AWSOME! Though its still being built its not totally done. there was this one corner full of pillows and bean bag chairs and I saw it and dived into them! LOL! Then I saw the mini bar and I hurled myself over the top to the other side, and not to gracfully at that! And GUESS what I found on the other side!?!?!? A Munchkins box! I was like "COOLIO!" and I grabbed it to show Catie and I noticed it was full, and out of curisoty i opened it and there were actually munchkins INSIDE! Now I KNOW that sounds stupid but I mean I didn't think there would be any in there! I MEAN really how old could they have been! but then we heard the door open and we jumped into the nearist hiding area which was.... A unfinished bathroom with a door that had no doornob but a circle hole where it WOULD BE and a towel stuffed through it!

We jumped in and thank god there were lights in there because Kimmie and Cori shut off the lights in the basement! It was funny because wwe just stayed in there and gossiped for awhile then tried to hear what Cori and Kimmie were saying, then gossiped more, then I went to explore the rest the basement in the dark and on my little journey I found a bottle of Vodka!!! LOL which I then prodeced to bring back to the bathroom with me to show Catie. LOL. OMG then when we finally decided to go back upstairs it was pitch black in the basement so Catie was behind me pushing me foward and I was like ,"WTF why am I in front?" and Catie just laughed and kept pushing so then when we got to where the stairs where i trust my foot infront of me to see if it was there, but my foot didn't touch anything, so I tried again...and again and again and again....then I acidentally slammed my toe into the stairs and tripped and feel face first into the first stair. Catie had been holding on to me and fell too and I yelled ," OW!" and Catie goes ," I think we found the stairs," and we laughed then started to crawl up the stairs and the stairs go up then turn and go up again, and I remebered this and so crawling up and turned to early and ran face first into the wall!!! and I was like ," OW MY NOSE!" and it was SO SO funny. Then eventually we got up!

Outside across the street, Bob ( 10th grader ) had all his guy friend over and they were playing foot ball and i opened the door and yelled ," Hey Bobert!" then they were all yelling " Hey guys can we come over? " LMAO it was so funny and Kimmie was like ," I dont get it why would they wanna come over here...?"and were like ,"Kimmie they're highschool boys with ragging hormones...think about it!" lol it was great.

Well then when we stepped outside to get in the car to go home they were all whistling and hooting at us! LMAO so funny

Anyways I g2g...tired and its really late...

I’m not sober all the time
You bring me down...at least you try

xOx Sammy xOx

.-~ Live ~-.

2005-01-14T18:00:00.000-08:00

Today actually was better!

The day started off pretty good! It was really warm out at the bus stop which was good but the ice was wet and slipper and we couldn't get traction to walk so it took us like 5 mins to walk to the bus when it pulled up! LOL

We started off with math and Mrs.Mezzochi slept in so we had a sub the first half of class and she was really kewl! Also she helped us all understand what the hell the direct varation of K was when y=16 and x=2! lol

Apparently K=m when there is no B or constant in a linear equation! ( OH my bad for not knowing that one! lol)

In english we had a sub! YES! I hate Mrs. Cicciui! And anyone who agrees whole heartdly with me that she is a b*tch, tag the board with your agreement! te he he he he

Oh and French was fine! Lunch was fine...we watched a movie during science and OMG Lauren and I were like " OMG the lava just looks like its feather soft, I just wanna jump in it! Its so kewl too!" and I was said " I want a pet lava!" really loud and like the whole class started laughing at me...another blonde moment for me and Lauren!

Gym was fun! we did the shipwreck game! It was SO AWSOME! I loved it! But like it was wrong like I was clingy to Shelby, Doberstien was clingy to me along with Lauren and Ellen, Pat was pressed up behind Doberstien ( looked like they were humping! LMAO!) And like i got an elbow in my chest for half it! It was like a diaster! But a funny one! We almost beat the record!

Then of course there was skills and Cori and I went into the other room to practice french, she is helping tutor me because I want an A+ so I can go to Montreal!

I was so hyper too! It was funny!

Then i just went home and hanged out intill it was time for our radio play meeting! NOW THAT was fun!

We finished our script! So were WICKED ahead! Its really good to! We were scared writing it! Its great too I am like a teenage girl Tommy Pickles ( from rugrats!). My character is like the Brave blonde girl! Its a funny mix! OMG and Cori and I were singing songs and playing the piano and stuff! And Snickers ( cori's cat) kept attacking me! He's so cute though! lol

OMG then Kimmie was like ," Sammy what should your character say when she finds Jez's body?" and I was really hyper and I was like ,"uhhh....OH! " Good golly gee! I found another! Quick! Make Haste," in a british accent! It was fun! We kept putting "make haste!" in like every line!

I just got back from the meeting actually! I'm still really hyper....I guess today was better.....

I just thought of a cool trademark/patent thing I can do at the end of every entry I'll put a qutoe or a line from a poem or song right before my sig! It can be my little way of closing it and it can fit like how i am feeling and how my day went! YEAH! It will be my personal trademark! TEHEHHE I feel special...

`*~.It's never too late to live your life,
The time is now, it's do or die .~*`

xOx Sammy xOx

2005-01-13T21:31:00.000-08:00

I gotta make this one quick, I don't have much time.

Today was ok actually. I woke up and took a shower and then I was getting my clothes on and I was pulling on my shirt and my mom yelled up that we had a two hour delay, I was so tired I just fell back onto the bed and went right to sleep. Didn't even bother putting my shirt on fully, lol! I was way to tired from the night before.

Today everyone kept asking me if I was ok, I just didn't say anything but I nodded my head. I just couldn't muster up any emotions today. I was drained of all feelings from last night. I was so emotionally dead today and emotionally weak too. During drama, as usual, I sat alone on the gym floor, while everyone else was on stage. After a while I felt like I was going to actually go insane but I don't know why! So I got up and went to the bathroom.

I kind of...broke down. I cried for a while, I don't really know why. Just my feelings are so jumbled lately its giving me a headache! Afterwards I splashed ice cold water over my face to get rid of the blush from crying and bring my face back to normal color. No one noticed I had been crying so it worked. Then when I walked back into the gym I just paced around and people kept coming over asking me what i was doing....I mean really is it that hard to see I was pacing?!?! lol

Well then FINAL we got to my scene....It was the second time we had done it. This was the second time I had done ANYTHING in drama...and We started the production in what...the end of November!?!?!?

Well anyways afterwards I just went home and kind of layed around...didn't do anything. I just don't have the strength to do anything. Its so weird.

Though my friends did get a couple smiles out of me today. Alex and Kate are the best! I love you guys! You two understand what its like and it helped talking to you two today! You were like the only people that actually helped get me back to myself again. At the end of drama I was almost myself. Oh and Eric too! He is so funny, and sweet, and he always makes me smile! Thanks Igor! lol

This has happened before though. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

xOx Sammy xOx

Are you one of the 3 P`s? (Poser, Punk, Prep)
What do they call you?
When is your cake-day?
What color are you feelin`?
What grade you reppin`?
What`s your favorite song?
You are a ViRGiN =)	TRUE
You are in l0ve <3	FALSE
You are:	A PUNK! - You`re a unique person, you`ve got your own style and that`s awesome.
You are a true:	Player...enough said =D
You like:	Spending most of your time on the Computer - Ohh boy, yes it`s true, Y0U are a computer GEEK! It`s alright, everyone loves spending time on the comp...just not as much as you!
One of your go0d qualities is:	that you are Sweet! Everyone notices how kind you are to others, people love being around you =) You brighten everyones day!

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